The Unlearning Series, Episode 4

Unlearning Control: From Fear to Trust

We plan, prepare, and try to hold everything together — but life has a way of reminding us that we are not fully in control. A delayed opportunity, a changed relationship, an unexpected turn: suddenly fear and anxiety take over.

The desire for control often hides a deeper fear — fear of the unknown, fear of loss, fear of not being enough.

1. The Psychology of Control

Psychologists describe the illusion of control — the belief that we can control outcomes more than we truly can. While some control is healthy (discipline, boundaries, planning), over-control leads to burnout, stress, and constant frustration when reality doesn’t cooperate.

Trying to control everything doesn’t give us safety — it gives us exhaustion.

2. The Spiritual Reminder

The Qur’an reminds us: “And they plan, but Allah plans. And Allah is the best of planners.” (8:30)

True peace comes when we do our part, but surrender the rest to Allah’s wisdom.

The Prophet ﷺ said: “Be mindful of Allah, and you will find Him before you. Know that if all of creation were to gather together to benefit you, they would not benefit you except with what Allah had already written for you…” (Tirmidhi).

This doesn’t mean we stop planning. It means we plan with humility, knowing Who holds the final outcome.

3. Gentle Ways to Unlearn Control

Shift from outcome to effort. Focus on what you can do today.

Use grounding duas. Say: Hasbiyallahu wa ni‘mal wakeel (Allah is sufficient for me, and the best disposer of affairs).

Release “what if.” Replace it with: Whatever comes, Allah is with me.

Trust the bigger picture. What looks like a detour may be a protection or redirection.

✨ Letting go of control doesn’t mean giving up. It means giving in — to trust, to surrender, to the One who sees the whole picture.

👉 Where in your life do you feel called to release control and trust more deeply?

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Bisma Shaukat

Clinical Psychologist | Researcher | Writer