The Unlearning Series, Episode 1

Unlearning Perfectionism: When “Perfect” Holds Us Back

It’s midnight. You’re staring at your laptop, tweaking the same sentence for the fifth time. A voice in your head whispers: “Not good enough yet. Fix it. Make it better.” Hours pass, but instead of finishing, you’re stuck in a loop. That’s perfectionism at work.

1. The Psychology Behind It

Perfectionism isn’t just about high standards. It’s the belief that our worth depends on flawless performance. Psychologists explain that it often comes from childhood — when love, praise, or safety felt tied to achievement. So, as adults, we chase the impossible: never making mistakes, never falling short. But instead of motivating us, it often paralyzes us.

2. The Spiritual Reminder

In Islam, only Allah is Al-Kamil — the Perfect. Our humanity is defined by imperfection, mistakes, and growth. The Prophet ﷺ reminded us that

“Every son of Adam sins, and the best of those who sin are those who repent.” (Tirmidhi).

 Striving for excellence (ihsan) is different from perfectionism: one uplifts, the other imprisons.

3. Gentle Ways to Unlearn Perfectionism

Start before you feel ready. Done is better than perfect.

Practice self-compassion. Talk to yourself like you would to a friend who’s struggling.

Redefine success. Instead of asking “Was it perfect?” ask “Did it serve its purpose?”

Allow mistakes. Every misstep is a lesson, not a verdict on your worth.

✨ When we unlearn perfectionism, we make space for courage, creativity, and joy.

👉 What’s one small way you’re learning to let go of perfectionism in your life?

Connect with me in this journey

Bisma Shaukat

Clinical Psychologist | Researcher | Writer